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Sunday 29 May 2011

Keeping up with the Joneses

“Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realised how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level” - Quentin Crisp

Some people just have it all don’t they! - The immaculate home, the size 28 waist, the perfect job that you would do anything for. The smile on their face tells you that all is rosy in the manicured garden. You peep sneakily through the curtain to watch as the removal men take out each piece of furniture and make a mental note to start saving for the sofa in mocha and do 1000 more sit ups whilst waiting for it to arrive.
Surely then life will be flawless? After all, they seem to be extremely happy.
But are the Joneses trying frantically to keep up with the Patels who are trying to keep up with the Smiths?
We expend so much energy in life comparing ourselves to other people that we can forget momentarily who we really are. Instead of celebrating our beautiful uniqueness, we try to squeeze into a differently shaped hole which inevitably leads to us feeling not good enough.
The plain truth is that there is absolutely no-one else on this planet who can be you better than...well, you!
We are the real deal, authentically perfect in all our imperfections.

Tuesday 24 May 2011

Breakfast with a friend

As my eyes slowly opened to see the early morning sun peeking through a gap in the curtains, I was aware of a strange tip-tapping at the window. Stumbling sleepily across the room I pulled back the curtain to find, staring up at me, a beautiful mallard duck. With eyes locked, our curiosity over each other held us fixated. I couldn’t help smiling broadly as I stared at my new friend who had wandered over to look for me whilst I was sleeping just minutes earlier.
Looking into his beautifully cheeky eyes, I started to think about all the things that make up his being and what I admire most about him. His feathers are perfectly waterproofed allowing any unwanted and hurtful stuff to flow away like water off a duck’s back. His ability to take off almost vertically to clear any obstacle is an inspiration to anyone who believes that it is too challenging to soar in the face of adversity. Once in flight, my friend can reach speeds of up to 70 ft per second because he believes it is possible. He also does an awesome job of looking super cool and composed as he works hard to move forward in the current filled water.
I decided it was breakfast time and we bonded over a loaf of bread which was well received by both of us. After our feast he tilted his head and stared at me for a moment. We were both still, my heart wide open. Everything stopped. Then with one last tip of his head, I watched as he turned, quacked and waddled away back into the forest.
I laughed and wished him a long and happy life.

My new friend would love you to share his story on your Facebook and Twitter. Maybe even sign up and follow this blog... (he is a cheeky duck afterall).  

Saturday 14 May 2011


I find it is always best to step over people to get to where you want and take whatever you wish. You can be as rude as you like too.
It is actually quite funny to find someone’s Achilles heel and cut into it deeply.
Sometimes we all need to vent our anger and frustrations, it is only natural and it can be hugely entertaining to drag people down and belittle them until the sweet reward of salty tears flow bitterly down their cheeks-always brings a smile to one’s face.
We are not here to help or care for anyone and you have to look after numero uno.
Insults are always a reliable method to ensure that we stay one step ahead. Every man is an island and we should never forget that it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there!
So feel free to push into queues, bash people out of the way and never, ever smile.
Ignore the Big Issue sellers, sales assistants and everyone on the tube. Never open up your heart as it will only ever lead to heartbreak and finally, do not, under any circumstances, love or respect yourself.

Have a nice day!(for real) 

Sunday 8 May 2011



Ooh it is nice and warm in here...I wonder if the heating is on or if the chef has the oven door open...this is a good table - I like window seats...I wonder how my hair looks after being caught in the wind...”Thank you. Urm, just a beer please. My friend will be turning up in a minute”...It is quiet in here tonight...nice candle - would be lovely with a bubble bath...everyone else here is in a couple...I wonder if they think I am eating alone? Maybe they are whispering that I don’t have any friends...that would be embarrassing...The wax on my finger is starting to burn a little - just leave the candle alone...If I get my phone out, they will think that I am busy and have lots to new messages...I hope she turns up soon, I feel like people are looking over...Another swig of beer I think...damn, it’s nearly finished already...I remember this song from years ago...Mmm what do I fancy to eat?
We try every trick in the book to distract ourselves. We read, text, hum, think, ponder, remember and wish. Sitting here in this restaurant, waiting, it occurs to me that the one thing we very rarely do is just be. To still the mind and free ourselves from all the chatter which acts as a constant narrator to life. I can’t help but wonder what lies in the silence - the secret to life, eternal youth, this week’s lottery numbers?
 I make a quick mental note to investigate this further before the door swings open and I hear the muffled words from behind “I am meeting a friend, he’s over there by the window”. I smile, welcoming the interruption.

Monday 2 May 2011

I do

Once upon a time there lived a lonely prince. He longed for true love to come his way and would sit gazing hopefully out of the window across the kingdom for his beautiful princess to finally arrive...

I, like millions of others on every continent, sat watching the happy couple lean in and steal a kiss on the balcony. Everything stopped for a second or two and any cynicism that existed, gently floated away as I smiled for them – a scene straight out of a fairy tale.
I started to wonder about the many different ways we all have of celebrating our unions and stumbled across what must have been the out-takes from the bedtime stories read to me as a child.
The Tujia tribe sees the bride singing ‘The crying marriage song’ in which she weeps in different tones to create her own tuneful melodies in the run up to the big day.
In Germany, the bride is kidnapped by friends and the groom has to buy the help of a search party in the form of drinks along the way.
And In the community of Tidong, the bride and groom are not allowed to use the bathroom at all for 3 days and 3 nights to ensure a life of happiness and success!
There are many colourful examples of weird and wonderful wedding traditions but once the sun has set over the horizon on the special day and all the rituals have fallen away, two people remain who have found their way into each others’ lives forever.

In the end, it’s all love in its many forms and perhaps having an open heart is the one thing that will help us live happily ever after...

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