Secret identity

Her name is Jane. No, her name is Annabelle. Long blonde hair cascading down over narrow shoulders, she sits opposite me and never once glances up from her romance novel. It is an escape for her. In a few short minutes she will be walking through the open-plan office and through to the kitchenette. Just as the coffee starts to drip into the pot, she will feel a strong arm around her waist, making her jump. She spins around and he kisses her passionately.
Personal trainer Carl gets on just before the doors close and sits down next to me. Placing his gym bag in between his legs he pulls out his phone. Scrolling through text messages, he grins as he stops at one. It is from his girlfriend Claire. No, it is from his boyfriend Brad. They are off to Vegas to get married and the flights have just been confirmed.
Music teacher Betty gets up, straightens her collar and gets ready to leave. She looks tired. I'm not surprised. Her newborn baby kept her up for most of the night.
As I walk towards the doors, Pilot Michael catches me in his periphery and looks up momentarily. Our eyes meet. I can't help but wonder who he sees standing next to him; Tom the photographer? James the lifeguard? Rufus the undercover police officer?
We all have a story, each one perfectly unique and if we are lucky enough, we get to see the real person behind the mask.

Room 209

The key card goes in, the light turns green and I swing open the door.
Falling back onto the bed, the crisp white linen crumples around me as I lie there in the darkness. I have no urgency to illuminate my surroundings, not yet. I remain there frozen in time. For now, this is right where I'm meant to be.
It's funny how, wherever one goes in the world, a hotel room will always be the same, the familiar in an unfamiliar city. Memories of a year living out of them come back to me in an instant. I relive every minute in glorious Technicolor as if watching a montage in a movie, accompanied by instrumental music. Laughter and tears resonate through my mind as they carry me across an ocean.
The sound of a door opening and closing somewhere down the corridor pulls me abruptly from my reverie just as the air conditioning unit clicks on and whirs into action.
My thoughts turn to the other guests above and below who are settling down for the evening in their rooms. What are they doing right this very minute? Watching trashy TV? Saying goodnight to a child on the phone? Brushing their teeth whilst feeling sick about their meeting tomorrow? The endless possibilities contained within the hotel grounds suddenly make the world a bigger place.
I roll over and reach into the darkness. Finding the button, I wake up my phone: 23:42. In a moment I will turn on my bedside lamp and get ready for bed, but not yet. I want to swim in this room for a little while longer.

Tracks

As the train rocks gently from side to side, the monotonous sound of clickety clack hypnotises me. I am caught in a trance. Gazing out across the horizon towards rolling fields and frosty hedgerows, I watch as the world whizzes by effortlessly. I am part of the blur.
Turning my head, I watch as the lovers opposite simultaneously take sips of hot coffee out of cardboard cups. The man to my right flips over his newspaper with a rustle, and laughter rings out a few seats in front of me; snapshots of people’s journey imprinted in my mind forever.
Sleepily, I turn my attention back out of the window just in time to see a couple of Canadian geese land gracefully onto the sparkling lake as we continue snaking onwards.
Life takes us in many different directions. Sometimes the journey is smooth and straight, other times, we are buffeted around in such a way that we can fall out of our seats. Some of the passengers on our train have been there from the very beginning, remaining for the entire journey as part of the furniture. Then there are the people who board for a few stops only. Their brief presence in our carriage infinitely enriches our life and changes us forever.
For a few moments nothing else exists. My eyes begin to close as I drift gently off into a deep sleep, trusting that I will awaken before my stop.

Risky business

I saw it again last night whilst walking through the darkened alley towards home. In between finger-like branches, it shone out in the shadows like a harbinger of doom, taunting me, teasing me. Its message was clear and echoed loudly as I continued on my journey. The sign designed to strike fear into the heart of every man, woman and child, stared silently down.
Averting my gaze, I looked up at the cloud covered moon with thoughts of danger bouncing through my mind as I continued on.
We climb aboard rollercoasters, jump out of planes, swim with the sharks and bungee off bridges. Aware of the hazards, we buckle up regardless and take that leap of faith into the unknown, hoping that we will get to live happily ever after.
With everything in life, anything worth doing carries a risk. Whether it be leaving the house or falling in love, there is always a chance that someone will get hurt. But these are the things which make life sparkle and we are braver than we give ourselves credit for.
Don't let the danger of death stop you from living; some things are worth the risk.

The canyon

I fastened my seat belt tightly, checked it and tugged on it again for good measure. I pulled on my headphones as the propellers began to turn, quickly matching the speed of my thoughts. In a few short seconds, with all the pre-flight checks made, the tarmac gently drifted away from us as we took to the air. I couldn't believe that I was actually doing the one thing which I vowed I would never do.
In that moment I realised that I had no choice but to let go of everything. From way up here, the only thing I had any control over were my thoughts. I decided that I wouldn't miss this for the world; and so I breathed. With every intake of air I felt my body relax and let go. I suddenly began to smile as I looked down over the Hoover Dam, the sun glistening on the water. Circling around, we continued up and out towards the canyon.
After gently touching down onto rocky earth, I stepped out into one of the 7 natural wonders of the world. I looked out across the horizon and couldn't help but wonder about the nature of fear and how it can prevent us from doing certain things in life; Moments which enrich and colour the world around us.
Sometimes in life, we have to embrace our fears and do the one thing which terrifies us the most in order to feel truly alive. And in that moment, I felt more alive than ever.

Broken wings

I always made sure that I got to my spot just in time to watch the sun disappear over the horizon and into the sea. Sitting on cool pebbles, I waited for the spectacle to begin with just the sound of lapping waves and squawking gulls to keep me company.
I knew when it was about to start by the eerie silence that washed over the abandoned pier. I would wait and wait and wait...
Then all at once, they appeared; hundreds of starlings would burst out into the crimson sky and begin to swarm around like bees, weaving in and out of each other as if choreographed by Matthew Bourne himself. Transfixed by their aerial acrobatics, every twist and turn took my breath away. It was a beautiful show, worthy of a standing ovation.
Our own style of flight changes from day to day; Sometimes we glide effortlessly like an eagle, wings spread, riding high on warm currents and a gentle breeze. Other days, like a swallow, we flap manically just to stay aloft through life's challenges and our wings are left a little battered and bruised. These are the moments in which we think we will never fly again...
But we always do. We were designed that way and can fly with broken wings.

B.F.F

"Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
- Eleanor Roosevelt


My best friend and I have always had a tempestuous relationship.
I've known him for years and we have gone through so much together. We've flown across oceans and walked on desert, drank Spritz in Italian piazzas and ate sandwiches in the Grand Canyon. I remember us crying in the dark once at a sad movie and laughing loudly afterwards until it hurt. We have had so much fun.
Some days I really feel his support and his kind words encourage me. Occasionally, when frightened, he will judge me and effortlessly put me down, knowing exactly which buttons to push. Sometimes he tells me that I am not good enough and that I am going to fail, always directly to my face.
In spite of all this though, I know that he will always be right by my side forever and I need to constantly work on the relationship I have with him. He is after all, part of me - my history and my future wrapped into one.
We all have a best friend inside us and it's this relationship which is the most important. We can nurture this friendship in a supportive and loving way so that no matter what, there will always be that confidant with whom we can trust, who will always have our back and tell us that we are good enough and that we can do it!
Be your own BFF. 




Don't forget that my piece for the brilliantly creative PoV magazine comes out tomorrow so make sure to download it for free. It's going to be great.
www.povmagazine.co.uk


So, as it's a new year, I thought it would be fun to add a little something to the mix...Hey, why not I hear you cry. This week I have added a short poll (just to the right of the post) so why not take a look and vote.
 
Please keep your comments coming as it's always great to hear from you. Don’t forget you can share and subscribe too if you fancy - just saying.

Resolutions

The bongs rang out, hairs stood up and the breeze of hope rushed in. The warm embrace of each resolution hung heavy in the air set against a backdrop of spectacular pyrotechnics.
Well, first was the inspiring 'To get fit and tone up', followed closely by the vaguer 'Sort out my career' which was then tailed by the troublesome 'Eat less chocolate'...
I am sure I'm not the only one who makes such internal declarations every New Year. With all the best intentions, the year usually starts off positively and then slowly, one by one, old habits begin to creep in through the cat flap. Before you know it, you are making the same resolutions twelve months later all the while thinking 'This will be the year...'
For 2012 I have a different plan.
My list is shorter and weighs less heavily on my shoulders. It's time to simplify. This year my resolution is this: When presented with a choice, I will ask myself 'What would the most incredible version of me do?' and wait for the answer.
Changes mostly arrive when we aren't looking and sometimes our mini successes come to rest right next to us without fanfare. But they come anyway and bring us one step closer to the person we wish to be.
We are growing every day. Each moment is an exciting new beginning and a perfect opportunity to show the world how amazing we truly are. You are!

A year of sunsets

35,000ft in the air, I soar high above the clouds which lie like eider pillows all around. As the plane banks gracefully to the right, the last remaining rays of golden sun splash onto my face and I close my eyes. In a few short minutes the shimmering light will be gone marking the end of another day. 
Gazing out of the icy window, I can't help but look back over the year and reflect on where I have journeyed. Memories flash behind my eyes like a slide show and set my mind racing faster than the speed of light.
There is a moment just before the sun has completely disappeared from sight that always fills me with a sense of hope.
Sometimes in life we make mistakes. We say things we wish we hadn't and do things we don't feel proud of. Every day is a new opportunity to grow and move forward. Just as the sun sets on another year, I realise that there is only now; nothing else matters. We can't change the past or live in the future. 
The greatest gift we have is of love and forgiveness and once we give it to ourselves, anything is possible.



On this, the eve of a sparkling new year, I hope 2012 brings you everything your heart truly desires and much, much more. Shine brightly!
Also, thank you from the bottom of my heart for following the blog and being part of my malleable reality. I love you.

Angelic kiss

It sat quietly in its bubble wrap for a year after making its way down from the dusty loft in my old family home, now gone. I carefully remove the Sellotape and roll off its protective blanket as light suddenly hits the back and brings it to life once again.
I remember it twisting slowly on the branch as a child and being fascinated with the way it would twinkle in between the colourful fairly lights. I loved the way the two angels were kissing in front of the miniature tree – they always made me smile.
Lifting it onto my own tree for the first time, I am amazed at how easily it fits in with the rest of the decorations, whilst at the same time, standing out. A warm sense of comfort washes over me and an undeniable connection to my past resonates out into the room.
Nestled in between gold tinsel, it witnessed countless family Christmases and listened to the laughter that spilled out of us effortlessly. Every single member of my family has touched this decoration and gazed upon the kissing angels. And now it lives with me to continue a tradition of being surrounded by love and laughter.
The legacy of love within my family is vast and I vow to always hold onto this gift.
I wish you and your family a very merry Christmas and may it be filled with all the love and laughter in the world!


Exciting news! - I have just written my first piece for a great new online magazine called PoV which comes out in January. I know it is destined for great things and will keep you posted on its release.
You can check it out at www.povmagazine.co.uk

Silent white

With a mighty push, the snow beneath you crunches and you're off. Quickly gaining momentum, the icy winter air hits your face and almost takes your breath away. Trees start to blur all around as adrenaline rushes through every part of your body. You are completely liberated, just you and your sledge gliding gracefully downwards.
Feeling the sledge begin to lose speed, I would always lurch to the side and come rolling off with dramatic flair to highlight the end of the journey. With snow still clumped heavily in my hat, I would turn and make my way back to the top once again, a step at a time. This was always the longest part of the adventure. Faithfully dragging the sledge behind me, I couldn't wait to push off at the top once again to fly like a bird.
Years later, I feel that same shift in the air and know that the season is transforming once again. Snow is getting ready to fall bringing with it a change of scenery.
A part of me smiles at the chaos that is caused by the silent arrival of snow. Cars begin to slow down, trains stop running and the city gets just that little bit quieter.
As children, waking up to a blanket of snow was the most exciting thing in the world, ever! Every street corner became a playground and each untouched layer of crisp, white snow was an open invitation to run through it with wild abandon, far too tempting to walk past.
Snow brings with it a subtle reminder to look for every shining piece of fun in life and enjoy each moment.
Take the time to build the snowman you haven't seen for years, and make him smile.

Wheels and wings

Everything slowed down as his body catapulted through the air. Memories of childhood dreams, first loves and lazy holidays flashed in front of his eyes faster than the speed of light. A life lived condensed down to a movie of seconds.
Was this it?
Back broken, he fought with every single breath that could be mustered through punctured lungs, completely unaware of the most incredible feat he would bring to life in a few years.
The tiny engine spluttered into action as some pre-flight checks were made. A couple of minutes later his microlight lifted gracefully into the sky and the 12,000-mile airborne adventure began.
Through buffeting winds and torrential rain, he continued on his quest over shark-infested water and never-ending deserts.
Looking down from 5,000ft, with nothing but space all around, he soared high above the limitations of his wheelchair and was as free as a bird.
Cruising gently over 19 countries, he took every single binding belief, tore them into a hundred pieces and used them as fuel for his epic journey.
When we take our bodies for granted, we forget what truly spectacular things we can achieve if we only put our minds to it.
Dave Sykes is living proof that the only restrictions we have are those we choose to believe in.

Don't forget to comment, share and follow. Much love.

Inescapable addiction

-Admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion
-Recognising a higher power that can give strength
-Examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced     member)
-Making amends for these errors
-Learning to live a new life with a new code of behaviour
-Helping others who suffer from the same addictions or compulsions

Taken from the 12-step program



My name is Jeff and I'm an addict.
I have been hooked for pretty much my whole life. It got into my system when I was inside the womb and has been coursing through my veins ever since. I had no choice. To me it seems natural and I really don't know any different.
It is most certainly not something I could ever live without and would never want to go through a cold turkey. The high is too incredible to give up. It uplifts, awakens and expands me from the inside out.
I felt the absence of it once and it was just too painful to bear. But I got through it, as do we all, and came out the other side stronger and wiser.
I have discovered that the more I share my fix with others, the more of it I get in return. There is an endless supply.
We all want it, need it and can't live without it. It is the foundation of everything and the most powerful thing on this planet. Let’s embrace it and give into its mighty pull.

My name is Jeff and I'm a love addict.
Love is my drug and I will never give it up.

The fog

As I sleepily pulled open the blinds, something was different. It took me a few seconds to realise that everything had vanished. Mother Nature had pulled off one of her greatest illusions whilst I was asleep. All 800ft of glass, steel and concrete was gone in a theatrical flourish. Even the flashing beacon at the apex had disappeared. Canary Wharf had vanished along with everything else around it. David Copperfield couldn't have done it better.
Zipping up my jacket, I took my first step outside just as the damp scent hit my nostrils and rushed down into my lungs. Horizon was replaced by an eerie blanket of dense fog with nothing but silhouettes of bare trees to guide the way. The world seemed like a different place.
Journeying into the thick of it, I couldn't help but wonder what it means to feel lost. Sometimes we find ourselves in a personal fog with no sense of direction and our questions are greeted with silence. The sense of disorientation is so palpable; we forget that beyond the clouds is a bright shining sun of potential that has been there the whole time.
Some days are more dazzling than others and sometimes we just need to get caught in a fog in order to see things clearly.

il bel viaggio

I once whizzed through the streets of Florence on the back of a bike...
Squeezing the helmet onto my head, I felt the foam cover my ears and turn the bustle of the city down to a muffle. Once I was settled in my seat, my friend turned around to look at me.
"Ready?” he asked with a cheeky grin. With a nod from me, we were off. I was amazed at how quickly we accelerated over the cobbled street and out into the open. I'm sure I felt my hair blowing in the wind under the helmet. The rush literally took my breath away. With every twist and turn, I had to remind myself to hold on for dear life and stay seated. Cars came and went in a Florentine blur. After a while, I felt my body relax as I started to breathe. It was amazing and exhilarating and freeing. The city looked stunning from this velocity.
And on we rode. I never once stopped smiling.
"How was that?" he asked pulling off his helmet.
"Incredible!" I declared with a massive grin.
Stepping off, he laughed and confided that because I held on so tightly to the bike, it was harder for him to ride and actually changed the way we handled the road. He could feel every bit of tension in my body through the bike.
I realised in that moment that life will always have its hairy moments and sometimes we just have to let go and move with the flow. The harder we hold on, the more difficult the ride.
The beautiful streets of Florence whispered in my ear that evening. She told me to be light with life and everything will always be ok.

Don't forget to follow, share and comment. Grazie mille!