Sleeping satellite

Something is coming.

Hurtling across the universe at speeds of 5 miles per second to make its way home after 20 years, it is unstoppable. In a few hours the satellite will slam into the dense atmosphere and spectacularly break into a hundred fiery pieces.

I look up into the night sky and bathe gently in the silver rays. A trillion stars play silently above.

As I tilt my head upwards, an image flutters into my mind (stranger things have happened to me on a new moon but we won’t go there). I wonder about what the Earth would look like from all that way and how tiny we would appear. I picture the footprints left in the moon’s dusty terrain up there on that day in 1969 which remain to this day, untouched. A constant reminder of how a small step for man can be a giant leap for mankind.

Throughout history, people have been making their own indelible marks on the world a little closer to home every single day. Some footprints are celebrated with a fanfare of trombones, bass drums and confetti cannons exploding over a mass of onlookers, whilst others are less conspicuous, but none the less, change the course of history forever.

We are the stars on Earth and have the opportunity to shine just as brightly!

Perfect flaws

I never really paid much attention to geology at school. The hypnotic sound of my teacher talking provided the perfect soundtrack to which my attention slowly drifted up, up and out through the small open window above and into the blue sky.

If I had listened to her, I wouldn't have had to wait for this one fact which now pops up and out through my radio many years later. The presenter is cheerfully discussing gem stones and how they actually get their colour from the impurities within them. The bold blue of a sapphire comes from titanium and iron present. The fiery red ruby is born from the trace amounts of chromium within.

Having a fetish for factual titbits such as this got me thinking… If impurities and flaws all culminate to create something spectacularly beautiful in these stones, does the same apply to us? Could it be that our impurities and mistakes are the things which actually make us even more beautiful.

No-one is perfect and that’s what makes us perfect.

Sometimes it is those experiences which fashion us into more interesting people and without them, we would all be the same with no story to tell.

Embrace everything, every single part of you - the good, the bad and the beautiful. 

10

You have seen me before, I’m certain.

Turn on any news channel or spot me on YouTube. If you look closely enough, I am gently floating down towards the earth. One by one, each of my four white corners lift up and flip me over. Every now and then the reflection of bright red flame illuminates my side, causing me to momentarily glow like a star.

All around me is a deafening sound of glass smashing, steel breaking and sirens screeching.

The last thing I remember was lying on a desk in a non-descript plastic in-tray waiting to be filed later this morning….Then everything was turned upside down.

As I am slowly carried along by the breeze, I can’t help but wonder why.

I am surrounded by heroes and angels.

Fluttering down I realise that just as I can be recycled and change form, so too can love. Love is energy, and energy never dies. It will always remain and fill the Earth, forever alive.

On this, the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, I pray for peace. And to all the heroes and angels, I give you my heart.

I do, part 2

Stepping out of the cool, atmospheric church the sun kissed my face through the trees, momentarily blinding me. Then as my vision cleared, I saw her...

Leaning in the doorway I watched as the last minute adjustments were made by all those around her and was transfixed at the way the gentle gust of wind played and danced around the fluttering train. Hairs on my arms stood up as my eyes ever so slightly misted. There was magic around that morning and for the briefest of moments everything stopped still.

I thought about her prince who waited patiently inside for her arrival and had no idea what was happening just outside the stone walls.

Smiling, I put my hands to my lips, blew her a kiss and turned to take my seat inside. Then a thought hit me. The love and light which was pulled into existence 29 years ago on a crisp, sunny day in February, as her beautiful mum stepped through that same doorway to meet her awaiting prince remained. Love had come around full circle. It stood stoically through snow, rain and blistering heat.

And it waited, and waited for this very day, undiluted by the years which have washed over it.

Every single piece of love we pull from our hearts will always remain, shining brightly for all to see.

To my beautiful friends, I wish you every piece of love and happiness in my heart… Always

x

Sounds of the city

Keys-check, water bottle-check, gym bag-check.
Placing the shiny white headphones into each ear one at a time, I press play and am off.
With Jason Mraz, Kylie and Owl City all giving me a private concert on the move, I am transported into my own world once again. Sometimes, without being able to physically contain myself, my mouth opens and the songs spill out to become a part of the bustling city.
I smile.
There was something familiar about the first few drops of rain that evening which nonchalantly splashed onto my face. My first reaction is always to stand and be still. I love the sound as the water meets the ground with a dull thud. Mid song, I remove the headphones and listen, suddenly becoming acutely aware of everything around me – The all-encompassing hum of cars and vans echo from miles around, a pair of high heeled shoes canter past, a plane flies overhead followed by the whir of helicopter blades slicing through the dark grey sky. The deep roar of a bike rushes past, leaves rustle in the swirling wind and the manhole cover I walk over clunks loudly. One sound at a time I am carried through the city which is playing the most beautifully chaotic piece.
If I could just listen hard enough, maybe I would also hear every single heartbeat around me. I wish I could hear that. 

We are constantly surrounded by the music of life whether it be our favourite band or a crying baby and it is all perfectly orchestrated, played to perfection.

The second guess

Pick a number, any number and I will tell you what you are thinking…

It can come from a missing text or a silent stare, a status update or a shift in body language.  A million questions are sent flying through our synapses faster than the speed of light all to fill in the missing gaps. What does this mean? What are they thinking? Is it anything or everything to do with me? At the slightest whiff of doubt or missing information, we jump into action and set our minds to work. Racing through a million and one possibilities, we finally come to rest at the one which seems the most logical, unaware that we could be facing in totally the wrong direction.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has ever put 2 and 2 together and come up with E=MC2 to the power of wrong. Who knew that being a mind-reader would be so exhausting?!

We are all so complex and perfectly unique that it is near impossible to see the world through anyone else’s eyes but our own.

… You were thinking of a purple penguin. See, told you I was a mind reader! 

Bricks and brooms

Missiles were launched, glass was shattered and blood fell to the earth. Energy was thrown out with such ferocity, everyone watching felt the fallout. The fires burnt a hole in my heart.

I must have watched hours of footage until that 30 second clip flashed up and gravity sent a tear rolling down my face towards my jaw which was now uncomfortably resting on the floor. Being helped up off the cold pavement, I felt a sense of relief and hope for the bloodied boy. Compassion shone through….then as his bag was unzipped and became a free-for-all, the questions began to escape.

Was there really any hope left? Did everything I believe about human beings really exist at all? Where was the love and brotherhood that I so vehemently champion on a daily basis? I was as dazed and confused as the pixelated face on my TV screen. This really can’t be our fate, can it? I went to bed that night with a deep sense of disillusionment and hurt…completely lost.

Enter stage left, hope.

People began piling onto the streets carrying nothing but brooms and compassionate love. Members of the community started pulling together to help others in any way they could to rebuild what was broken. It was time to support and heal, to connect and grow.

Things have calmed down a lot and the dust is slowly settling. Out of all the craziness of the past week, I am left with one thing. Light will always shine through. Love is the strongest weapon on this planet and we are all fully armed. That’s where hope lies.

To every individual who lost something this week, my love reaches out to you. That is what family is for after all.

You are what you eat

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Eat your crusts; they will put hairs on your chest. Want to see in the dark?  Carrots are the way forward every time…

Flamingos are amazing birds. Their entire appearance is a result of everything they eat. Their beautiful pink plumage is a gift from the algae and small crustaceans they feast upon daily. Watching them now together gracefully lowering their long necks to the cool water I can’t help wondering about how, if food can change one’s physical appearance so dramatically, what happens to the emotions we allow in?

We are acutely aware of only putting the ‘good food’ in our bodies and expect our beings to be automatically vibrant. What we think, we become and sometimes people will feed us a dish made from ingredients of their own insecurity and pain. That’s OK. We can pass on that course and skip straight to dessert if we chose. We don’t have to stay at the table until our plates are clean, having consumed every last morsel.

So I say let’s fill up on the most positive thoughts and feelings about ourselves possible and leave absolutely no room for anything else.   

Swings and roundabouts

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 – Coming ready or not...

All my friends had disappeared into the fast approaching sunset, never to be seen again (unless I looked in the bush and up the tree but why spoil their fun so soon). I remember how long those summer evenings were, stretching into forever.

As adults, we sometimes forget what it was like to be a child and instead, wear our bodies with a heaviness that does nothing to free our spirit. Feeling bogged down by our day jobs and expectations, the brightness and lightness of the real us slowly gets hidden under a layer of dusty conformity.

There is something in the way that children can look at this beautiful world we live in and know, without a single doubt, that every moment holds infinite possibilities. I do think that the little ones might just be onto something. Imagine waking up tomorrow and seeing everything currently in our lives as an amazing opportunity to fly. How freeing would that be!

So when the next challenge pops merrily along, stop for a second and try to see it through different eyes and listen to the inner child. They may be young but they are very wise.

Last one to the tree has to buy the sweets…

Bloom

I placed each stem carefully in the water filled vase and rearranged them until all the buds were evenly spread out and set them on the table before heading to bed. Once I slipped in between the cool sheets, I stared up at the ceiling with echoes of the week’s heart-breaking news ringing in my ears and slowly drifted off thinking how, once again, the world was a different place.

It was a deep sleep.

Stumbling into the lounge the following morning I glanced over to the table and there, as if by magic, two beautiful bright purple lilies shone out where buds once stood. At some point during the night whilst I was still dreaming, Mother Nature had decided that it was time to reveal her face...and it was breathtaking! Three days later saw the last flower explode open with a flourish to complete the family.

I stared at each and every flower and thought about how, deep within us, must also lie something striking, amazing - buds of potential waiting patiently for the opportunity to unwrap, with love and compassion being the only food needed.

To all the beautiful buds in Norway, China, Africa and elsewhere who left the planet this week and never got the chance to bloom, I send you all the love and light in my heart.

Prime location

Friend: “So, do you like your new home?”

Me: “I really do. I guess it just takes a while to settle somewhere new”

Friend: “But all your boxes are empty now - It’s done.”

Me: “My things are all out but I haven’t even started with the emotional unpacking yet!”

Friend: “Hmmmmm...... Fancy a cup of tea?”

We spend so much time hoovering, cleaning, painting and washing that we forget to do the same for our inner homes. The internal cobwebs have built up slowly and the piles of out of date baggage touch the ceiling. A cold draft whistles through broken, dirty windows and everything is encased in a thick layer of accumulated dust.

So for every minute spent doing our household chores, let’s take an equal amount of time to care for our inner mansion. Put our caring cloth, health hoover and patience polish to good use and work on making it the most beautiful place to live in as possible. Paint our walls a brave, new colour which makes a bold statement about whom we are and choose to be.

The space inside us is real estate gold – the ultimate prime location and we need to take very good care of it. 

I am really missing posting on a weekend...Once I get the internet back in about 3 weeks things will get back to 'normal' (whatever that is). Till then, thanks for staying with it. 

Love and light.

Seeing in the dark

They say that if you are blind, all your other senses are heightened...

A good friend of mine had taken me to a restaurant for the evening on a recent trip to Berlin. This was no ordinary eatery however as I was soon to discover...

We sat expectantly in the dimly lit bar and ordered a drink. After perusing the menu (I am quite indecisive so it took a while), I settled on the 4 course Vegetarian surprise.

Within a minute I learnt that our waitress had long blonde hair, a smile to light up a room and was almost completely blind. Placing my hands on Sandy’s shoulders, we began our journey into the next room. Holding on for dear life, she speedily led us around the restaurant, filled with the sound of chattering diners and clinking cutlery (which occasionally fell with a crash to the floor). Once we were seated, off she trundled to bring us our first course...

And there we were, speechless, in the dark. This was all too uncomfortable for words. The one thing I trusted to show me my place in the world was gone and I could no longer rely on my sight. Finally, after an internal battle, I began to swim in the darkness. My awareness expanded to fill the space around me and I felt more alive and alert than I had done in a long, long time.

Over the course of our meal, we contemplated the meaning of life and everything in between...all in pitch blackness. It was beautiful.

Just as desert was finally demolished, Sandy sat down next to us and we chatted a while about what Berlin is like for her. I told her I would never look at my city with the same eyes again and I imagined her smiling broadly as I led us out (don’t even ask me how I did it).

Sometimes in life we find ourselves standing in darkness, unable to see what is truly around us. At times like this, all we need to do is close our eyes and wait. Seeing is not always about using our eyes. 

Breathe

I knew it was going to be one of those days as I stood there this morning in my swimming trunks, having forgotten my padlock for the locker. After getting re-dressed, I trundled back up to borrow one.

And this really is how the rest of the day went. Just the right amount of challenges appeared to put me in a bit of a funk. Work day over, surely that was it? Two minutes later after tripping out the door and nearly landing flat on my face, I was buffeted by the freak gust of wind which had travelled all the way across London to greet me with an eyeful of dust. Rubbing furiously at them must have been a cue for the heavens to open. Dripping wet, I found myself standing on a packed Central line platform, watching helplessly as train after cramped train came and went with people’s faces squashed against every last piece of glass. At least I was quickly drying off in this 35 degree heat.

I waited patiently for people to alight.

Enter stage left, the mean, hefty businessman.

Now we all know how this next scene plays out...After many heated words in our semi-embraced entanglement, I decided to end our connection with the words ‘You are a very rude man!’ And that was it - the end.

Walking out into the glistening street a few minutes later, the sun once again shined onto my face and the birds sang for me. Then I realised something... At any moment of today I could have just stopped to take a big, deep breath with eyes closed and I would have pushed the reset button. I would have realised that all was OK in my world.

I smiled for the first time as a sense of invincibility washed over me. Tomorrow is another day.  

Home

There is one thing in life that scares me more than ghosts, sharks and closed minds ever could (well maybe not more than the last one). I have always found it incredibly difficult to say goodbye to people and places who have taken up a place in my heart, may it be for decades or even minutes.

Surrounded by boxes piled high atop each other, I am forced to look at some things in my life which only a move of home can trigger. As each and every single material object I own passes through my hands for the briefest of moments, I feel everything that is inseparably linked to them.

The empty room is full to the brim with the echoes of laughter and tears. The walls have held on tightly to every last drop of emotion that radiated from me over the years and has no intention of letting go. There it will remain forever.

Life constantly changes and has to move forward whether we like it or not. The trick is remembering that letting go is not the same as losing.

My friend Dorothy once said ‘There’s no place like home’ and I think she was right. Home is the one place where you can feel safe and warm-a space to re-energise and create. Home is where the heart is and our hearts are inside us all the time, no matter where our journeys take us.






(You may have noticed that this week's blog is a little late...my new home and I still love you though-remember that).

Life in a Day

The lights slowly dimmed and I settled back into my seat. Feeling all warm and cosy I took a sip of my triple shot soy mocha and watched as the opening credits illuminated my face. In less than 30 seconds, the lump in my throat had already appeared and my eyes had started to glisten.

‘Life in a Day’ is a story of, well, a day in the life of us here on planet Earth, created solely by using people’s YouTube videos filmed over the course of a single day in July.

Pretty much throughout the whole hour and a half I was moved, sometimes to tears.

I have always tipped my proverbial hat to us human beings but for the first time I truly understand how amazing life is. It reminded me that even in the face of heart-breaking loss, we can be fearless. Without shoes on our feet, we can still wear a smile. And sometimes, without even realising it, we start a ripple that radiates out across the entire planet.

I was lucky enough to spend some time with one of my inspirations last week who is also in the film. That sunny afternoon, he reached into his pocket and gave me a card upon which were written the words ‘You are beautiful. (Pass it on.) I realised at that moment, he had created a ripple of his own that would extend through and beyond me.

So I am now passing this on to you - You are beautiful! You are amazing! You can be fearless.

Every single day is a golden opportunity to change the world in our own small way and make our home a better place!

(A massive thank you to Davey Wavey for the card and for your inspirational light - Shine on)

Don’t forget to share, follow, comment. I love you.