Disappearing dusk

It's already begun. No longer evening, not quite night. I'm in the space in between where the sun gives one last push of brilliance before disappearing completely; a final flourish as the curtain comes down.
Colours grow sharper and the shadows on the grass below lie elegant, long. They seem to stretch out to forever.
I glance up just as a plane full of people powers higher and higher into the sky and sweeps away from City Airport, climbing further from the ground with every second. Soon we will all just look like ants.
The light is changing. The window is closing and everything that was bathed in a hyper-real glow is starting to fade.
This is the end. And also the beginning.
I wonder about tomorrow. I wonder about the many things it holds gently in its hands for me and how with every sunset, we imperceptibly change.
The air is getting cooler now and I briefly consider going inside to grab my blue jumper when something stops me. The edge of Canary Wharf is suddenly illuminated with my personal sunset. It happens most evenings and only ever lasts for a few minutes, but every single time, I'm awe-struck. Feeling my lungs fill with air, a wave of hope washes over me as I realise how much potential there is within each and every one of us.
The shadows on the grass below have now disappeared into the dusk and in a moment I will pick up my cup and head inside. The door will close and the blind will be pulled across. The lamp will go on and tea will be poured. But right now I am blinded by the reflection of the sun.
And it is beautiful.

Three and a half pike

Switching on the TV, I crash onto the sofa just as the screen comes to life and illuminates the room. It has already begun. I watch as he walks up to the edge of the platform and stands looking out over the cool, rippling water below. An eerie silence washes over the spectators as we wait. And wait... 
Prepare..take a breath..launch..pike..somersault..once, twice, three and a half times into a straight extension..arms lock..rip through the water..vanish.

And so the spectacle continues as I look on amazed; awe-struck and inspired. One by one their bodies tease gravity with every twist and turn and I can't help but wonder how it is possible to fly through the air at 35mph with such grace and artistry.

As with anything in life, achieving greatness takes time and energy. An athlete's journey towards the perfect 10 will always include many hours of practice, belief, blood, sweat and tears. Still they continue on regardless. There will be moments on our journey where we naturally face obstacles and self-doubt. Sometimes, we breeze through this and come out the other end unscathed. Other times, we find ourselves belly-flopping in a spectacular fashion; temporarily winded. But that's ok. It's all good practice. Pulling ourselves up out of the pool, we dry ourselves off and start climbing the steps once again in the hope that the lesson learnt will take us just that little bit closer to reaching our great potential.

On your marks

Charged particles surround me and fly off across the planet. Something great has begun. As I look out over the water towards the packed stadium, helicopters swarm overhead like bumblebees in the dark. Sounds of cheering, laughing and whooping engulf the air making my heart beat just that little bit faster. I watch, and wait...
Shooting up into the cool, clear air, fireworks begin to illuminate the July night sky, accompanied by a deafening roar. Face lights up, hairs stand on end, and I'm awestruck at the sheer magnificence of it all. I am witnessing history in the making.
I can't help but think about what is to come over the next few weeks in this beautiful city. Men and women will push themselves harder than they have ever done before. Records will be broken and personal challenges will be set. I wonder what must go through an athlete's mind just seconds before the whistle blows. In that moment, nothing else exists...wings spread, they soar higher and higher.
It is absolutely incredible what we are capable of. Through our daily struggles and challenges, it’s easy for us to forget; we are so much more amazing than most of us realise. Whether our successes are personal or professional, pride comes from knowing that we tried our hardest in the face of adversity.
Simply getting up after a fall is worthy of rapturous applause.
So go out there and shine brightly. Strive to be the best you can and never lower your bar. Go for the gold...
You never know who you're going to inspire.

Excess baggage

I settle down onto the warm concrete ledge and wheel my bag closer in between my legs. As I lean forward to rest my arms upon it, a gust of wind whistles around the corner, up the steps, past the coffee shop and smashes into my face, forcing me to involuntarily close my eyes for a moment before continuing its journey towards the ticket hall and beyond. It is windy this afternoon despite the presence of blazing sun.
With my chin resting on my arms, I watch as people weave in and out of each other in a tangled dance of bodies and bags. It is fascinating.
And my mind begins to wander...I am catapulted back to the last time I stood in this station, surrounded by a sea of people and am instantly struck by associations.
As we navigate our way through life's twists and turns, inevitably, events can leave us with emotional baggage. Sometimes, the weight is so minimal, we barely notice it. And other times, it can feel like we are carrying around a big, old house with absolutely no idea of how to get rid of it.
Every day holds a new lesson for us and the challenge is to take the good from the bad and leave the rest behind...And if we are lucky enough, we might just have people in our life who will help us unpack...

Sunshine after the rain

Warm Sunday morning sun begins to dry off the remaining drops of water which glisten on the green leaves below. It rained again in the night. The hypnotic beating on my bedroom window usually sends me into a deep sleep within minutes.
Fresh coffee in hand, I sit on my balcony and look out. It has been a tough week and for the first time in ages, I completely fill my lungs with air and notice how instantly my muscles thank me for it.
Regardless of all the challenges we face and all the mountains we have to climb, life still goes on. The earth hasn't stopped moving. Neither has the canal, meandering gently past. And birds continue to sing joyfully overhead with a song that I don't quite understand but love none the less.
I notice a tiny spider descending slowly down a single piece of silvery thread towards her newly built web. She must have set to work early this morning as soon as the rain had stopped falling. And there is blue sky above once again. There has been so much rain lately, it seemed like the sky would be forever grey.
It is easy to get lost in our daily struggles and bogged down in our thoughts… But nothing happens for nothing and I can't help but wonder if the key to happiness and everything else we seek, has been within us the whole time.

Just to let you know that I have written another piece for the beautiful PoV magazine which is available to download now for free.'Vanish' is my third contribution so go and check it out...

http://www.povmagazine.co.uk/page8/index.html 

At the end of the day

The last remaining minutes of the day's light holds on loosely as the planet spins 67,000mph away from the sun's bright rays, plunging us into darkness once again. As I reach over and turn off the bedside lamp in the quiet hotel room, I notice that now, with the absence of light inside, evening looks instantly brighter. The air suddenly drops a few degrees and a chill sweeps through the gap in the slightly open window and onto my face. I momentarily close my eyes.
As I look out over the tree tops and down towards the lake, the air conditioning unit whirs into action and fills the room with a hypnotic hum. Light from the NEC shimmers peacefully on the water and I am suddenly aware of all the different colours around me. The Canada geese that blocked the path this morning, are settling down for the night.
A wave of melancholy washes over me as I remember the last time I was in this city. Three years on, I realise how much I have changed.
There are times in life when we are met with challenges so personally encompassing, we think that we will never be the same again...and we never are. Everything that happens to us and every person we meet takes us into a new chapter of our life. Lesson learnt, we move forward...Sometimes easily, sometimes not so much. But we are all survivors and have an inner strength that we aren't aware of until we have no choice but to summon it forth.
I know that I really should get ready for bed in a minute as I have an early start... But for now I stand transfixed at the window, looking out to witness the end of another day.

Giraffe in a box

It was absolutely the last thing I expected to see! Turning the corner, I stopped dead in my tracks as a smile swept instantly across my face. I couldn't believe my eyes. He wasn't there yesterday. And now, here I stood, watching as he poked his head out of the bright red phone box, reaching up to munch on delicious green leaves which hung temptingly overhead; the perfect antidote to a cloudy evening in the city. The clash of imagery sent my mind off on a sideways journey. As I looked up, I began to think about belonging and of all the times in my life when I felt that I didn't quite fit in. I'm sure that most of us have been in that place more than once; the feeling that niggles deep within and a knowing that you are not where you really want to be. Whether physically, spiritually or mentally, something doesn't quite click; that there must be more to life...
Most of us are lucky enough to live in a corner of the world where we are free to be ourselves and express our light in whichever way we choose. And yet, we still sometimes find ourselves living lives that don't fully inspire or fulfil us.
But that's the thing about life... We can reinvent ourselves at any given moment and the opportunity to change for the better is always present, however, most of the time we have to be willing to step bravely out of our comfort zone and follow our hearts.
Once we do, we may just find that piece of contentment right around the corner.

Sticks and stones

I didn't really see it coming at first. It arrived like a bolt out of the blue. The thing that first registered was the dull thud as the fist slammed into my face. Shockwaves suddenly rushed around my body like a fiery electrical storm. Adrenaline began to pump as I held back the tears. They would not get to see them today, they didn't deserve them. And so I fought them back harder than I had ever done before. Names continued to fly at me and echoed around my mind. Upon seeing our teacher striding across the school playground, the bullies fled and I suddenly found myself standing alone once again; saved by the dinner bell.
Growing up, we are all told about sticks and stones, but the part about names never hurting us has never quite rung true. I, like most people on this planet, know that they can absolutely hurt...deeply.
Sometimes people can say wounding things. Sometimes they sting momentarily and sometimes, the effects can last a lifetime.
But underneath everything, when someone throws something hurtful our way, it is never really about us to begin with. They always reveal much more about the other person and once we realise this, it makes it easier for us to forgive and move on.
So when you think you're not special enough or good looking enough or clever enough or thin enough, I am here to tell you that you are! You are perfectly amazing just the way you are and there is not a single person on this entire planet that is identical to you. No one!

Surrender

Left in front of right in front of left... One at a time, I slowly climb the steps towards the top. Pausing at the first platform, I look out to the narrow white board. The higher I climb, the faster my heart beats...until I reach the peak. Shuffling my way to the edge, my stomach jumps powerfully into my throat as I look down. Everything moves closer and further away simultaneously in true Hitchcock style. Attacking birds would seem like butterflies right now.
And so I stand there, frozen. Electricity coursing through my veins, I nervously smooth the hair out of my eyes, and glancing behind me, I am at least relieved to see that I'm alone up here. Turning back was not an option. I had made it my personal mission, my challenge of spirit to do this dive, and I wouldn't go back.
And so I close my eyes to the world. The smell of chlorine wafts up from the water below and enters my lungs. I could fight this or I could surrender.
Taking a deep breath, I lurch forward as gravity grabs my body and pulls me down with his strong hands. I travel through the air with such velocity that everything blurs away. Powerless.
I slice the water and journey deep into the blue. And I keep on going, further than I have ever been before.
As much as we would like, there are some things we just can't control. Whether it be love, life or everything in between, once we let go and surrender, we open ourselves up to exciting new possibilities.
Sometimes, we don't get what we want. But we always get what we need.

Strike

The ball rolls up the ramp and gently clunks into the one in front. My favourite is still the sparkling blue one which reminds me of a moonlit swimming pool... But that was too heavy. Shame. It totally went with my outfit. Then there was the mauve ball...too light. Eventually I had settled on the matt green one which was just right. I wondered if Goldilocks would have had this much trouble choosing.
I slide my fingers into the holes and take a step forward for the penultimate time. Swinging the ball, it lurches forward as I release my grip and watch as it hits the floor with a dull thud. Suddenly picking up momentum it rolls quickly down the alley in an emerald blur and smashes slightly off-centre. All but two pins remain. And there they stand, taunting me in the distance...
I wait impatiently for my trusty ball to come rolling back as I visualise the pins falling to the ground, followed by rapturous applause and fireworks. 2nd place was within my grasp.
A flutter of excitement grows in my tummy as I send the ball flying towards its final destination. It is veering dangerously to the left but that's ok. It will correct itself in a minute...any minute now...and so I believe right up until the moment it plops into the gutter.
Shrugging my shoulders I turn, laugh and make my way back to my cold beer.
Sometimes in life things don't turn out the way we would like them to. As much as we want it, we don't always get that job, that person doesn't always love us back and our lottery numbers never seem to come up. But that's life. Everything happens for a reason and maybe, something even more amazing is waiting just around the corner.



Just to let you know that issue 3 of the wonderful PoV magazine will be out next month and once again, I am honoured to have a piece featured in it so will let you know when it's out.

A piece of peace

Sunday morning in the city. Even at 6.30am, there is a buzz in the air. As I sneak a peek from behind the blinds, there is something about the morning light that piques my interest. I have been awake for a while now and, resigned to the fact that I'm not getting back to sleep any time soon, I get up and turn on the coffee machine.
There has been so much rain lately; this blue, cloudless sky brings hope of a lovely day. The ghostly moon, still visible, is obscured momentarily by a plane's contrails cutting across its surface and, picking up my favourite mug, I take a sip of hot, freshly brewed coffee.
A dog barks in the distance. I wonder what he has seen to make him so vocal at this time of the morning.
Sitting here on the balcony, I am amazed at how much is going on right now. The constant hum of traffic resonates all around me, framed only by singing birds and honking geese.
Right now, I'm happy; able to breathe for the first time in ages.
A memory of waking up in an Italian hotel somewhere flashes through my mind and vanishes just as quickly, leaving behind the echo of a forgotten feeling.
I watch as a pair of Canada geese sweep gracefully overhead and notice, for the first time this morning that the sun is reflecting off the canal, sending its shimmering light through the trees.
Right now, in my contentedness, I feel connected to everything that is around me and as I finish off the last of my coffee, I make a promise to come to this place again soon.

Breaking eggs

As the flour began to fall lightly through the sieve, I watched as the inside of the bowl turned white. Placing the sieve down, I reached for the first egg and sent it crashing down over the rim. A sudden crack filled the room as the contents splashed out into the dusty flour mound below. Soon the spotless work top became littered with shell shrapnel and I continued on, adding each ingredient until they were all together at last. I liked watching everything slowly come together with each stir of the spoon. It was like alchemy.
Once the final spoonful of mixture was dropped into its little paper case, I knew what was coming. I had no control over it and before I realised what was happening, my finger had made its way into the bowl, worked its way around the side and with a flourish, ended up in my mouth; my sweet reward.
Once they were in the safety of the oven, I had nothing to do but wait. As I surveyed the aftermath, I thought about the times in my life when things seemed so chaotic and messy. In the eye of the storm, it can feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and the knock-back is permanent. It never is however. Soon enough, if we’re lucky, we can come out of the other side, stronger and wiser with a much bigger heart.
In order to make a cake, we have to break a few eggs. Nothing is for nothing and every difficult experience in life holds inside it a beautiful gift. A gift of bringing us one step closer to the amazing person we truly are inside.

Loose strings

As soon as it happened I knew that something was horribly wrong! I had carefully place three fingers one by one on their strings and, finding their home, held them firmly in place to listen as the other hand stroked gently downwards. A discordant noise rang out of my room and floated off into the hallway, making a cat somewhere in the distance run off and hide, quivering under a bush. Surely it can't need tuning again? I only did it a couple of weeks ago and haven't played it since...Hmmm.
There is something quite therapeutic about tuning my guitar. The combination of listening closely to the vibration until it feels right is fascinating. It is always painfully difficult to ignore when a musical instrument needs tuning up, and as I begin to tighten the strings, I can't help but wonder why it isn't as obvious when our lives are just as out of tune. Suddenly our hearing isn't as acute.
Sometimes we forget to look at our lives and attitudes regularly, and without realising it, some of our beliefs can quickly go out of harmony with who we truly are. People around us can have such an effect on us that our strings change and we don't even realise. Every day we shift ever so slightly and we need to give ourselves a regular emotional tune up so we are the most authentic version of ourselves possible. It important to take that moment to listen to your life and pay close attention to the notes being played; what kind of symphony is being created and is it the best melody for you?

A quick thank you from the bottom of my heart for following the blog every week - It means so much and I love you!

The Queen of Hadleigh

'I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing'
- Anais Nin

And I ran though the moving crowd, weaving in and out of suits and bags and shoes and limbs. Pushing forward through a rush hour of people, it was warfare; the quicksand making everything more difficult. And I carried on fighting forward until the call came... It was too late. She had gone! And everything suddenly stopped.

The door opened and there she stood; bright red lipstick highlighting her cheeky smile. She would always kiss me on my lips with such delicateness, inside I would smile. And there we would sit for ages surrounded by colourful crochet and ornaments and fabric flowers and the gas fire and small ornamental furry cats and sepia toned pictures hanging proudly on the walls. A room filled with trophies of a life fully lived. Every now and then the sound of a snooker ball crashing into another followed by muffled applause would float out of the TV to catch her attention just long enough for me to stare at this frail, curly haired funny woman who fascinated me.
Reaching the front door she stopped and turned to the cupboard beneath the stairs. I always knew what was coming but managed to appear pleasantly surprised every time. Rummaging around for a moment she span around like a magician to reveal a tiny bag of sweets which she had pre-prepared in little clear plastic bags. There was always a treasure of sweet treats to leave with and I always felt the overwhelming urge to squeeze her so tightly when we hugged. And there she stood, waving and watching until we were finally out of sight.
In life, people come and go. Some stay for only a few minutes and others, a lifetime. And if we are really lucky, these people will leave an indelible mark on our hearts and there they will live eternally making us a better person in the process.

Nana Queenie, I love you and wish you joy on your new adventure.

Wet wings

The first few drops of cool spring rain splash onto the dark pavement below and quickly cover the bustling city. I watch as the drops roll down the glass and leave behind a glistening, hypnotic trail.
Light from shop windows spill out to reflect off the wet pavement and bounce up into the twinkling night sky. Everything shimmers around the giant angel wings in the centre of the square. I love those wings, outstretched and ready to fly.
Rain falls harder now and forces people below to run for cover in doorways and seek refuge from the sudden downpour. I smile as I watch the weaving dance with a feeling of warmth washing over me. I am right where I'm meant to be.
A memory of getting soaked to the skin in Milan splashes into my mind and rolls back out again just as quickly.
There is that magnificent moment when your clothes get sodden and you feel the cool water begin to seep through onto warm skin and you realise that there is no point in running for cover. And so you stand in the moment and become part of the downpour. The surrender brings peace. Nothing else exists in that minute.
The rain begins to ease off and doorways are slowly becoming empty once again.
I should make my way outside now and down towards the tube...but not just yet. I want to watch the angel wings for a little while longer.